Feeling Motherless on Mother’s Day?

Mother’s Day. A day of flowers and gifts; memories and affection. But what if you’re feeling motherless of Mother’s Day? Perhaps you’re like me and your mom died when you were young. Or, maybe you don’t have a deep relationship with your mother, or for that matter, you have no relationship at all. What then?

As a culture, we spend a lot of time hyping up holidays that pertain to the majority of people, and in doing so, we tend to forget about the people who don’t share our sentiments.

If you are one of these people who feels motherless on Mother’s Day, let me share a few thoughts with you.

Losing your mother when you are young is devastating. And by young, I mean at any age, because, the truth is, you are never old enough to lose your mother. There will always be life events that you want to share with her.

For me, they were graduating from law school, getting married, and winning my first trial. For others they may be having a baby and buying their first house. Moms care about that stuff. Deep down inside them, a love burns so deep that you feel it radiating through you even across a phone line.

I can still feel my mom’s love for me even though she’s gone. With every success and accomplishment, I know what she’d say and how I’d feel when she said it. That’s the thing about love. It transcends lifetimes.

I also see Mother’s Day as an opportunity to thank the countless women who mothered me after my mom died. There were teachers, mentors, friends, and acquaintances who taught me valuable lessons. I wouldn’t be who I am without their generosity of time and spirit.

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If you feel motherless on Mother’s Day because you don’t have a close relationship with your mother, there’s some relief for that as well.

First, it’s important to understand that no one, and I mean no one, has a perfect relationship with their mother. It’s impossible. The bonds are so close that you sometimes can’t help but overstep that fine line of hold me tight but let me go.

I’d be lying if I said my relationship with my mother was sublime. We argued. We lashed out at one another. And when the tension grew too tight, we ignored each other.

Years after she died, I had a revelation that only comes with age. My mother did the best she could with the tools she had. She didn’t have an idyllic childhood, and she suffered many hardships. But she still came out the other side full of love, which she showered on me, sometimes to the point of drowning me.

The point is, she loved me the best way she could. And unless your mother is Meryl Streep in the movie, August: Osage County, I’d bet that your mom used every tool in her emotional tool box to love you the best way she could too.

The way I see it, none of us is truly motherless. We came from a womb and through the Universal wisdom that is LOVE, we are all blessed to have people who care for us and mother us when we need it.

So let’s enjoy Mother’s Day from a place of abundance (consider all the people who helped you and all the people you can help) instead of scarcity (feeling motherless). Because the truth is, your mother would want you to be happy.

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  • Burt Mulford

    Wow, Karena! You have helped me have a much clearer perspective on my relationship with my mother. After I read your piece, I called her to tell he that I love her. First time we had spoken in 10 months.

    Thank you, Katena. You are a wonderful gift!

  • Marcella

    This is awesome… Thanks for sharing your Light & love to all of us so we can all understand & appreciate all the Mothering we receive!

  • Kassie

    There you go, yet again. You have repeatedly given me answers to questions I didn’t even know needed asking. And you always give me much to think about. You’re like this great fertilizer for personal growth!!

  • Rusty

    Karena – great article. You have a way of stating simple truths with eloquence.